Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, “Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine.” Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, “I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently.”
Posts Tagged ‘Miscallaneous jokes’
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10 commandments
Posted by viki on December 17th, 2011
The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can’t post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
Baby planes
Posted by viki on December 15th, 2011
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother said, “Well, maybe that’s something you could ask [...]
You’re single aren’t you?
Posted by viki on December 8th, 2011
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread
Ten Years Bad Luck
Posted by viki on December 7th, 2011
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
Bill meets satan
Posted by viki on December 7th, 2011
Eventually, Bill croaks and Satan is there to greet him. “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of [...]
Four catholic ladies
Posted by viki on December 6th, 2011
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.” The third Catholic woman says smugly, “My [...]
Deer Hunting
Posted by viki on December 6th, 2011
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. “Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the [...]
The twins
Posted by viki on December 4th, 2011
A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption.One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal. The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan.
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist
Posted by viki on December 3rd, 2011
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How the heck does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind [...]
